Red Lotus Yoga

If we have a hard time with family how do we effectively deal with them during the holidays?

I get this question asked a lot and often have to deal with it myself and I have two rules I follow.

FIrst: Remind yourself that your strongest motivation in life is to be happy and avoid pain. Remind yourself this motivation is the base motivation for nearly all of your actions...then remind yourself that the motivation of family members is exactly the same...to be happy and avoid pain.

Even when that annoying person says the thing you find horrible or acts in appropriately or seeks attention or one of a dozen other things, they are ultimately motivated by their desire to be happy. They think this action is going to get them closer to happiness.

Although it may not seem like it from your side of the table, that really is what they are doing.

The only way to deal with them is to look at them with eyes of compassion. It doesn’t mean you have to sit there and take abuse. Clearly you can and should set boundaries with people who are in appropriate or even remove yourself from harmful situations. Ultimately, if we are having a problem with someone, it’s our problem, and the best way to deal with it is through compassion.

The second point to remember is that every time we look in the mirror we see a new person. We are not fixed and unchanging. We have changed since the last time we saw family and friends and guess what, they have changed too:) Try, as hard as you can, to see them as a new person this year. Encourage yourself to not play the same tape in your mind of their past actions. Someone looks at that person and thinks they are the best person in the world, someone worthy of love. As a result, it’s not they who need to change...it’s we who need to change our perception of them.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give is of our time and presence. When we can take time to listen and let others be heard we can often eliminate the problems having plagued us for years. Start by getting quiet before family and work events. Practice some yoga and meditation so you can lead by example and be the light for others to follow.

Many Hugs to you

Brian